Sounds crazy huh? I recently read about a young lady, Jennifer, who is distraught over not being invited or even asked to be in her best friend, of 30 years,wedding. Although the wedding was 4 years ago, Jennifer mentions she hasn’t talked to her best friend Sara since, but has been keeping up with her via facebook and see’s that she’s pregnant with her first child and is moving into her first home late next month.

Jennifer obviously isn’t over this issue one bit, because throughout her commentary the one question she kept asking herself is ‘what did I do?’ But really, what would she do? There is a lot of information omitted from this story that could probably help us determine why Sara didn’t invite Jennifer, but knowing what we know about the situation how does someone get over such an ordeal?

Weddings are intimate occasions in my opinion and should be shared with close friends and family, so while we don’t know Jennifer and Sara’s entire story I could understand Jennifer’s disappointment. Eventhough, I only have a few BFF’s, a close friend of mine almost didn’t invite me to her wedding. I say almost because it wasn’t until I saw her at a party and asked how her wedding plans were going, did she reach in the back of her car to hand me an invitation. Despite the fact I was given an invitation, it didn’t seem genuine and at that moment, instead of beating myself up with the what did I do question, I realized two things.

My first discovery is that friendships change. It’s possible to outgrow a person. Where you are now in life, may not allow for that person to be present. Sara isn’t the little girl that Jennifer met 30 years ago and whatever caused the drift in their relationship, Sara didn’t feel like she wanted Jennifer to share in her sacred moment.

My second discovery is how loose we are with the word “friend”. Everybody can’t be your friend. You would hope that if you’ve known someone for 30 years of your life that you could consider them a close friend, however the way you feel about a person may not be the way they feel about you. In a perfect world we would define our relationships with people so we know where we stand, but since this isn’t a perfect world, we are reduced to speculating.

If I were Jennifer, I would end my pain by sitting down with Sara and asking her the questions that are toiling around in her mind. She may be surprised by Sara’s answers. Often times it’s the questions we don’t ask that cause us a lifetime of pain.

Have you ever been a situation like Jennifer’s? What did you do and how did you ultimately get over the situation or did you?

Tiffini Gatlin is the publisher of Alanta Tastemaker Magazine. Continue the discussion via twitter by follwing @tastemakermag. Follow Tiffini on Twitter @theatlgo2girl. 

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