Q.  I have been married to my husband for five years and we have a beautiful son.  He has never satisfied me sexually. I began wanting to have an affair a few months ago. I know I am wrong, but I simply don’t feel a spark for my husband anymore.

A.  First, I suggest you figure out what turns you off about your husband. Next, identify what turns you on about your prospective “affair”. (This will be really easy to identify if you had a particular person in mind for said affair.)  Last, decide what you need from a relationship in order to be happy.

Sexually, you MUST tell your husband how to get you to your climax. Own your sexuality and make your husband aware of your needs.  You and he BOTH deserve pleasure and I’m sure his pleasure will be amplified when he sees you really turned on and vice versa. Experiment with a toy, either as a couple or solo. Once your body is accustomed to achieving orgasm, it is easier to get there each and every time. Why not even let him try your favorite toy on you? Speak up for yourself. You have to take control of your bedroom. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed.

Emotionally, you and your mate need to come to some sort of middle ground. Find out what caused the spark to fizzle and talk openly about your goals as a couple and individually. Also identify what your relationship is lacking.  Whatever void you have won’t be settled by cheating.  People change and so do situations, but it is necessary for you and your husband to ensure that your union withstands the trials in the road.

Try couples’ counseling. This is a very good arena for you two to examine your marriage and work on a repair. Having the unbiased moderator there to mediate won’t hurt either.  Overall, the key to relationship repair is communication. Don’t expect your mate to be a mind reader.

Hope that helps!

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