Q. How do I get my girlfriend to want more sex more often? I want to get that sex bug to bite her hard?
A. You didn’t give many details about possible reasons “why” she doesn’t want sex often. I’ll address some popular causes for a low sex drive and hopefully one or all will help you.
1. Stress- stress can play a major role in libido loss. It is very hard to put yourself in a sexy space when you’re worried about the kids, dinner, work, etc. Depending on the structure of your relationship, i.e. co-habitation, mutual children, etc.; try and field as much stress for your partner so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed. Living separately? Give her an allocated block of time to complain about the day and then reserve the rest of your time together for couples’ time. Once the two of you get into a groove for handling stress, you will notice an increase in intimacy during your time together. Increase the intimacy and the sex will follow.
2. Low sex drive- some women, actually people in general, have a low desire for sex. Talk candidly with your mate about what turns her on and what turns her off. It is possible that the two of you haven’t found her “wow” zone together. So, experiment and communicate. Once the body is used to achieving orgasm, it becomes exponentially easier to have orgasms. You’ll definitely enjoy experimenting and you might even learn some new ways to please each other in the process.
3. Bedroom boredom- Too much of the same thing, even a good thing can become boring. If you two have been together for a long time, you might have reached a plateau. Sex will be pleasurable, but not sexy and exciting. This is not a good thing! Try something new in the bedroom like a new position or even a sex toy. In fact, pledge to try something new weekly. Oddly enough, scheduling sex can actually be a good thing. For example, plan for “Freaky Fridays”. This way, you both will have all week to plan. Try role play, lingerie, massages, even bondage; simply vow to TRY. Once you two find a groove that is mutually pleasurable, you’ll find that you both might start to yearn for a “Tasty Tuesday” or a midday romp on “Hump Day”. The point is, the planned sex, once it gets to be good sex, will increase the desire for sex outside of your set parameters.
Try to address one or all of these things. Remember to communicate and listen to your partner’s needs. Hopefully you’ll have her bit by the sex bug in no time.
Ask Janine, Your Sexpert
Email us at Sexpert@ToyClosetNYC.com to have your question featured
Before we get to know each other, I want to introduce myself. I am the co-owner of an online/home-party adult toy novelty company. I have encountered thousands of women along this journey that began almost five years ago. I started out selling toys and other adult novelties at ladies-only parties throughout the NY/NJ/CT tri-state area. From the first woman that confided intimate details about her sex life, to the many men that have asked me for tips; I've enjoyed every minute of this journey. I'm honored to be sharing with you. You're a new audience, so I'll take it slow; but hopefully we'll laugh and grow together. I'll be sharing relationship advice, sex tips and much more. You may not always agree, but please understand; I am just a girl with an opinion about a lot of things. So, I hope you grow to like the new column, “Ask Janine”. Janine, ToyClosetNYC.comView all Ask Janine posts.