Q.  I’m dating a new man. Our chemistry is fantastic. We talk for hours and enjoy the same things.   Things were great until we had sex for the first time. It was horrible.  I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m not sexually satisfied. Help!

A.  You MUST tell him!  If you two are that compatible outside of the bedroom, then you should be able to make things work under the sheets. Unfortunately, chemistry plus attraction doesn’t always equal satisfaction. So, you are going to have to put in some work.

First, identify what you like. Get to know your body and see what types of stimulation you enjoy. Next, pass this information on to your new beau. He obviously isn’t doing what you like, so you need to give him instructions. Verbal affirmation is the best way to let him know when he does something you like.  Verbal confirmation will give him the license to try something new on you or to move to a different position or technique. Simply maintain a non-direct approach, i.e. put some sugar in your voice.  You aren’t giving your kids directives; instead, you are providing your man sexy instructions on how to heat up your trysts.

Try watching an adult movie together.  Challenge him to try all of the spicy things the two of you see on the screen.  If you are truly crafty, you’ll preview a few movies and purposely select one that has scenes that you would like to try. There are so many ways to guide your mate to the proper way to stimulate you.  The key is to find one that you feel comfortable with.  Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed in any way.  I’m sure he would have no issues with telling you that you had fallen short in the bedroom.  Don’t give up because sex is an important way to maintain intimacy in a relationship.

Good luck!

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