Q.  Since entering my late twenties, I have found personal lubrication difficult and somewhat tricky.  At times when my lover is not available, I am very moist.  But when we finally have time and space to get it on I’m pretty dry.  It has become an embarrassing situation for me because he is a little younger and these rap songs go on and on about “juice boxes” and “she dripping like a faucet” when I’m more like the Mojave. Is this possibly a physiological problem, am I too dehydrated, or am I just drying up?  In my late teens and early 20s I was a slip and slide…help!!

A.  First of all, forget about anyone else’s juice box!  Whether anyone else runs like Aquafina 24/7 is none of your concern.  Just because your mind is ready for sex, doesn’t mean your body is.  Women take a bit more turning on than men and simply being attracted to someone may not always prove to be enough.  Have him spend time stimulating you and setting the mood prior to any sexual activity.  If you don’t know what truly turns you on, practice with him until you find out!

Allergy medications, birth control, anti-depressants, etc., have all been known to cause vaginal dryness.  So, you may not be the Mojave because of your mate.  But, you can use your mate to stimulate you prior to intercourse.  Often women allow their pleasure to be secondary, when we should demand pleasure; just as men do.

Last, I suggest lube.  I know that lubricants can be taboo.  A lot of women feel that they don’t and shouldn’t need them.  Conversely, I always say, “It is better to be slippery and safe than sore and sorry”.  Use a water based lube next time you have sex with your partner.  Water based lubes get wetter with personal lubrication and often feel s natural, so no need to alert your partner to the fact you are trying something different.

Good luck trying!

To have your question featured anonymously, email us at Sexpert@ToyClosetNYC.com